My blog has moved!

I am very excited to announce that my blog has moved onto the home page of my brand new website! Please have a look at www.adoptmom.co.za

Questions with so many answers

Today, I would like to share with you some of the questions I regularly get asked:

• My child is 3 now, how should I tell him/hers/ about the adoption?
• When is a good time to start telling my child s/he is adopted?
• We are a gay couple, who will help us to adopt?
• I am a single person.  Will I be elegible to adopt on my own?
• I only want a white baby.  Is there any chance of this in South Africa?
• What rights does the birth mom have after the adoption is done?
• Will I be able to love a child that I haven't given birth to?
• What's best...private adoption or child welfare?
• I am over 38 years.  Can I adopt?
• How old will my baby be when I get him / her?

Depending on who you talk to, the answers to these questions can differ quite substantially.  My message....if you are out there and you want to adopt, keep asking and asking until you get the answer you are happy with.

On another note, a HUGE HUGE thank you to Kirsten Felbert who has designed my logo...see below and is busy re-illustrating my book.

She is a very talented, special lady!  Thanks Kirsten!!

Like this page

Hello all you beautiful people out there.  Please like the adoptmom Facebookpage and then join the discussions.

I would love to have your comments....I am researching 2 new books at the moment.

All Blog comments and Facebook comments are welcome.

Thanks

Terri

UK adoption policy to be colour blind

Source: http://www.news24.com/World/News/UK-adoption-policy-to-be-colour-blind-20110222

London - Race should no longer be a key criteria for social workers seeking adoptive families for children in care, Britain's government said on Tuesday - stressing that the priority must instead be to find a child a new home quickly.

Education Secretary Michael Gove, who was himself adopted, said that for too long sensitivities about ethnicity had complicated efforts to place black and ethnic minority children, meaning they wait far longer than white children for a permanent home.

Issuing new advice to those working on adoptions, Gove moved Britain closer in line to European neighbours - who largely disregard a child's ethnicity.

Dismissing critics - which include the National Association of Black Social Workers in the United States - who insist ethnicity must be a concern when matching a child to adoptive parents, he said "politically correct attitudes and ridiculous bureaucracy" had left officials too reluctant to authorize interracial adoptions.

"As a result children from ethnic minority backgrounds languish in care for longer than other kids and are denied the opportunities they deserve," said Gove. "This misguided nonsense punishes those who most need our help and that is why this government is sweeping it away."

He claimed difficulties in placing ethnic minority children - who are over-represented in Britain's care system - had led to a decline in the country's adoption rate. Figures show 3 200 children were placed for adoption in the UK last year, down by about 100 on the previous 12 months.

Will Cooper, a 30-year-old born to an Iranian father and English mother, was adopted by a white English family as an infant. He said his adoptive parents made him aware of his ethnicity, but that it didn't have an impact on his upbringing.

Quality of life

"I really don't think there was any difference to my life. There is that mystery about my background, but it's not something that really affects me," said Cooper, who is running the London Marathon in April to raise money for Action for Children, a charity which helped assist his adoption.

He said Gove was right to challenge the perception that ethnicity should be a factor when deciding whether to place a child with a particular family.

"It should be down to quality of life. If they are the same ethnic background, then great, but it shouldn't be a barrier if they're not," he said.

Social workers have often been reluctant to place children with parents of a different race because of concerns it may make it harder for a child to integrate with their new family, or because it can make it immediately apparent that a child's adoptive parents are not their biological parents.

Some communities have in the past also opposed children being placed with families of a different race, believing adopters should have a detailed understanding of a child's ethnic, or religious identity.

In the US, the black social workers association and other groups have argued that black children should be placed with black adoptive families, if possible - citing the need to preserve links to their ethnic ancestry.

Like Gove, many believe that British adoption officials have long understood their priority to place children with parents of a similar background.

Encourage minority families

"I do believe there's reluctance among social workers to place kids with families of a different ethnicity, but more due to pressures put upon them by the system," said Cooper.

In both Britain and the US the number of black or ethnic monitory children who need adoption is higher than the number of prospective families who share their background. Specific campaigns in the UK have attempted to encourage black and other minority families to put themselves forward as prospective adopters.

Britain's new advice orders social workers to make placing a child with any suitable family their priority. Gove said speed must trump concerns over "skin colour, or faith, or ethnic background."

The education ministry said that on average, a white child waits 610 days to be placed with a permanent adoptive family, while black and ethnic minority children wait about 966 days - almost a full year longer.

"I know that children tend to do well when placed with a family who shares their ethnic or cultural background, but I know also that delay can have a very detrimental effect," said children's minister Tim Loughton.

"If there can be an ethnic match that's an advantage, possibly a very significant one. But, it should never be a deal-breaker," he said.

The right support needed

Judith Washington, a retired social worker who spent 15 years handling adoptions in New York, said pressure to find children a permanent adoptive family quickly can lead to mistakes - or a lack of vital preparation work.

"People who adopt also need help to understand the implications, and to optimize the chances of the adoption being a success," said Washington, who retired in 2004.

She said it's vital those adopting a child of another race have the right support before the child joins their family. Washington said there had been little research to examine the success of adoptions where children are placed with parents of another race.

Gove said his own experience meant it was a personal crusade to increase the numbers of children in public care who are placed with new families.

"I was given a second chance - and as a result of the love and affection, the stability and care that my parents gave me, all the opportunities that I subsequently had in life were there," he said.

- SAPA

To judge or not to judge

After the article was published last week in the Tygerberger, I was inundated with emails from people.  One thing struck me......so many people think they are at liberty to judge others!

I have heard from gay couples, single women, women of 45 years and more.  All have a common thread.  They are being judged and told that they are not candidates for adoption.

I also had a comment from someone saying that it is not right to raise a child that is not genetically yours and that different cultures / colours / genes / religions etc cannot be made to be together - it is not meant to be like this.

Interestingly, I remember when I was undergoing fertility treatment and then later applying for a coloured adopted child, I had a number of people telling me that I should not be doing that.  Religious people said that IVF was messing with God's plan.  Right wing people said that mixing colours could never work.

I am getting to a point here.  One thing seems to be common amongst the judgers.........they all have biological children!  Lucky, lucky them.  How nice to produce children naturally in the sanctity of a happy marriage and then sit back and berate others who are not as lucky and are doing whatever they can to fill a deep deep void.

Come on guys....It's not like people choose this path.  It's the only hope we have left of knowing the greatness of parenting.  How about some support instead?

 

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