My blog has moved!

I am very excited to announce that my blog has moved onto the home page of my brand new website! Please have a look at www.adoptmom.co.za

Questions with so many answers

Today, I would like to share with you some of the questions I regularly get asked:

• My child is 3 now, how should I tell him/hers/ about the adoption?
• When is a good time to start telling my child s/he is adopted?
• We are a gay couple, who will help us to adopt?
• I am a single person.  Will I be elegible to adopt on my own?
• I only want a white baby.  Is there any chance of this in South Africa?
• What rights does the birth mom have after the adoption is done?
• Will I be able to love a child that I haven't given birth to?
• What's best...private adoption or child welfare?
• I am over 38 years.  Can I adopt?
• How old will my baby be when I get him / her?

Depending on who you talk to, the answers to these questions can differ quite substantially.  My message....if you are out there and you want to adopt, keep asking and asking until you get the answer you are happy with.

On another note, a HUGE HUGE thank you to Kirsten Felbert who has designed my logo...see below and is busy re-illustrating my book.

She is a very talented, special lady!  Thanks Kirsten!!

Like this page

Hello all you beautiful people out there.  Please like the adoptmom Facebookpage and then join the discussions.

I would love to have your comments....I am researching 2 new books at the moment.

All Blog comments and Facebook comments are welcome.

Thanks

Terri

UK adoption policy to be colour blind

Source: http://www.news24.com/World/News/UK-adoption-policy-to-be-colour-blind-20110222

London - Race should no longer be a key criteria for social workers seeking adoptive families for children in care, Britain's government said on Tuesday - stressing that the priority must instead be to find a child a new home quickly.

Education Secretary Michael Gove, who was himself adopted, said that for too long sensitivities about ethnicity had complicated efforts to place black and ethnic minority children, meaning they wait far longer than white children for a permanent home.

Issuing new advice to those working on adoptions, Gove moved Britain closer in line to European neighbours - who largely disregard a child's ethnicity.

Dismissing critics - which include the National Association of Black Social Workers in the United States - who insist ethnicity must be a concern when matching a child to adoptive parents, he said "politically correct attitudes and ridiculous bureaucracy" had left officials too reluctant to authorize interracial adoptions.

"As a result children from ethnic minority backgrounds languish in care for longer than other kids and are denied the opportunities they deserve," said Gove. "This misguided nonsense punishes those who most need our help and that is why this government is sweeping it away."

He claimed difficulties in placing ethnic minority children - who are over-represented in Britain's care system - had led to a decline in the country's adoption rate. Figures show 3 200 children were placed for adoption in the UK last year, down by about 100 on the previous 12 months.

Will Cooper, a 30-year-old born to an Iranian father and English mother, was adopted by a white English family as an infant. He said his adoptive parents made him aware of his ethnicity, but that it didn't have an impact on his upbringing.

Quality of life

"I really don't think there was any difference to my life. There is that mystery about my background, but it's not something that really affects me," said Cooper, who is running the London Marathon in April to raise money for Action for Children, a charity which helped assist his adoption.

He said Gove was right to challenge the perception that ethnicity should be a factor when deciding whether to place a child with a particular family.

"It should be down to quality of life. If they are the same ethnic background, then great, but it shouldn't be a barrier if they're not," he said.

Social workers have often been reluctant to place children with parents of a different race because of concerns it may make it harder for a child to integrate with their new family, or because it can make it immediately apparent that a child's adoptive parents are not their biological parents.

Some communities have in the past also opposed children being placed with families of a different race, believing adopters should have a detailed understanding of a child's ethnic, or religious identity.

In the US, the black social workers association and other groups have argued that black children should be placed with black adoptive families, if possible - citing the need to preserve links to their ethnic ancestry.

Like Gove, many believe that British adoption officials have long understood their priority to place children with parents of a similar background.

Encourage minority families

"I do believe there's reluctance among social workers to place kids with families of a different ethnicity, but more due to pressures put upon them by the system," said Cooper.

In both Britain and the US the number of black or ethnic monitory children who need adoption is higher than the number of prospective families who share their background. Specific campaigns in the UK have attempted to encourage black and other minority families to put themselves forward as prospective adopters.

Britain's new advice orders social workers to make placing a child with any suitable family their priority. Gove said speed must trump concerns over "skin colour, or faith, or ethnic background."

The education ministry said that on average, a white child waits 610 days to be placed with a permanent adoptive family, while black and ethnic minority children wait about 966 days - almost a full year longer.

"I know that children tend to do well when placed with a family who shares their ethnic or cultural background, but I know also that delay can have a very detrimental effect," said children's minister Tim Loughton.

"If there can be an ethnic match that's an advantage, possibly a very significant one. But, it should never be a deal-breaker," he said.

The right support needed

Judith Washington, a retired social worker who spent 15 years handling adoptions in New York, said pressure to find children a permanent adoptive family quickly can lead to mistakes - or a lack of vital preparation work.

"People who adopt also need help to understand the implications, and to optimize the chances of the adoption being a success," said Washington, who retired in 2004.

She said it's vital those adopting a child of another race have the right support before the child joins their family. Washington said there had been little research to examine the success of adoptions where children are placed with parents of another race.

Gove said his own experience meant it was a personal crusade to increase the numbers of children in public care who are placed with new families.

"I was given a second chance - and as a result of the love and affection, the stability and care that my parents gave me, all the opportunities that I subsequently had in life were there," he said.

- SAPA

To judge or not to judge

After the article was published last week in the Tygerberger, I was inundated with emails from people.  One thing struck me......so many people think they are at liberty to judge others!

I have heard from gay couples, single women, women of 45 years and more.  All have a common thread.  They are being judged and told that they are not candidates for adoption.

I also had a comment from someone saying that it is not right to raise a child that is not genetically yours and that different cultures / colours / genes / religions etc cannot be made to be together - it is not meant to be like this.

Interestingly, I remember when I was undergoing fertility treatment and then later applying for a coloured adopted child, I had a number of people telling me that I should not be doing that.  Religious people said that IVF was messing with God's plan.  Right wing people said that mixing colours could never work.

I am getting to a point here.  One thing seems to be common amongst the judgers.........they all have biological children!  Lucky, lucky them.  How nice to produce children naturally in the sanctity of a happy marriage and then sit back and berate others who are not as lucky and are doing whatever they can to fill a deep deep void.

Come on guys....It's not like people choose this path.  It's the only hope we have left of knowing the greatness of parenting.  How about some support instead?

 

Newspaper article about me

Adoptmom - What I do

Book now for the next discussion group

Hi all,

I am getting LOTS of requests for workshops / discussion groups.  Here are the details:

The next 2 dates are:
Sat 05 March 2011 and Sat 02 April 2011 (You may book either one or both!)

09h30 - 12h30

R 250 per person

This 3 hour workshop includes:

• Tea / coffee / juice / muffins
• Detailed info pack
• Input from a group of pre and post adoptive parents
• Talk by a guest speaker - usually a social worker

To book, please email adoptmom@mweb.co.za with the date you want to book and I will forward you a confirmation with the bank details for pre payment.

Hope to see you there!  It's always a great experience.

Terri

A piece from Wade Robins

So you are thinking of adopting.......

Adoption is an ancient custom of taking on another’s child as your own but has become increasingly popular for a variety of reasons – some people are unable to have children of their own and so decide to adopt a child instead, others want to give a child in need a better life, while still others have children of their own but want to extend their family and choose to do so through adoption. In this article we will not only look at whether you should adopt but also how to go about adopting.

As we have mentioned, there are a number of reasons why people decide to adopt a child but child adoption is not for everyone and it is important to ask yourself some questions before you decide whether adopting a child is for you. Firstly, are you emotionally, physically and financially capable of taking care of a child? Are you able to copy with any issues which they child may have – such as issues over being adopted and not being with their birth family (feelings of rejection by the birth family, etc.)? If you have other children are they ready to accept a new sibling through the process of adoption?

In addition, if you are an older adoptive parent or have any health issues which affect your daily life then you may want to discuss the possibility of adoption to find out whether you would be able to cope with your health problems as well as a child.

Adopting a child, however, can be a wonderful experience for people who are able to answer the above questions honestly and still feel that they would really like and be able to cope with another child. You are now able to love another child (perhaps your first) and are able to provide that child with a better future. So how do you go about it, if you have decided to adopt a child?

The child adoption process varies depending on the type of adoption you are going for as well as your home country and/or the country where you will be adopting a child from. In general though you need to begin by asking yourself what type of adoption you are going to go for – domestic or international? Older child or infant adoption? Open or closed adoption.

Once you have decided on the type of adoption the next thing is to find an adoption agency. There are a number of websites on the internet that have listings of child adoption agencies for both domestic and international adoption. Phone or visit a couple of these agencies and if possible attend any orientation courses they may be running.

Once you have chosen your agency, filled in the application form and paid the required fee, your counsellor or social worker will guide you through the whole child adoption procedure. This will include a number of interviews, home studies, and medical and criminal record checks. The length of this process will depend on the type of adoption you have chosen and your counsellor will be able to give you more information about this.

In conclusion, child adoption is not for everyone and before deciding to adopt it is important that you honestly answer some questions about your ability to look after this child. If you do decide to adopt however it can be a wonderful experience and truly benefit all involved.

Taken from: http://www.boliviabella.com/adoption-101.html

Author Wade Robins

Assumptions

There are certain things in life that we assume.  As women, I think the main assumption is that we will one day give birth.  You grow up with a subconcious knowledge that women continue the cycle of life.  Without women giving birth, no more human race.  

We take it for granted.  Nowadays, we wait longer to start our families.  There are many reasons for this.  We want to get our careers on track, we want to be financially stable, we want to travel and we want to enjoy some adult time with our partner and our friends.  In addition to this, we lead pretty stressed lives.  We are on the move, we tend to eat badly and many of us struggle to find the time to exercise.  The combination of all these factors does not bode well for pregnancy!  

Fertility clinics are bursting at the seams with local and foreign hopefuls all flocking to get help with falling pregnant.  These people spend an enormous amount of money and emotional energy and often end up disappointed.  It is an extremely stressful time and I think many people are unnaware how much stress they are under.  Sometimes marriages don't make it through fertility treatments and sometimes friendships are put under pressure. 

I remember when I was busy with my IVF cycles, it felt like everytime I went to book club or to visit friends, someone would announce a pregnancy.  I felt actual hatred for my really close friends.....and then guilt for feeling that hatred.  

My point is that women (and men) who are infertile have to process feelings of loss, grief, anger, guilt, depression, inadequacy, stress and more.  This need to be counselled through these feelings is often overlooked due to time and money constraints.

Me with my 2 week old baby in ICU

The process of fertility treatment and then maybe adoption is followed but once it's all over, and a few years have passed, how many of those unresolved feelings come back to haunt us.  Are we able to be good parents, good partners, good sisters, good friends when we have all this unresolved stuff in our heads and hearts? 

There are support groups and couselllors who specialise in this and I would urge people to make use of this.  Contact me if you need a list of people in your area.

Meeting new people all the time and ready to write a new book

I love my work!  It gives me such a thrill to meet people who are in any way associated with adoption.  It is such a happy topic and there is always so much love involved!!  I am inspired to get going with my next book now!  My first book is geared at 2 - 6 year olds but now that my angel is 6, I need to move to the next level.  My son, chose last night to ask me some pretty serious questions about his adoption and I realised it was time for a book aimed at Tweenies!  (9 - 13 Years)  Strangely, this morning, I met a 12 year old girl who is adopted and is going to chat to me later this week so I guess it's official....I am currently researching my new book!  Yippee.  I have a spring in my step.  I am also busy with my studies now......Diploma in counselling.  I want branch out a bit into "the other side"....pregnant teenagers!  So, if any of you know a tweenie who want to be invloved in my research (adopted or not), please let me know.  I will hold a free Tweenie workshop in the next few weeks so watch this space.

My next parent workshop (for pre and post adoptive parents) is on Sat 5 Feb from 09h30 to 12h30.  Please book in advance as space is limited.

A guest letter from Ally

Gabriel the snowman, June 2002

Meet Gabriel: Born in February 2002, miracle child of mine!

“ I thought I would have to teach my child about the world. Turns out I have to teach the world about my son. They see a child who cannot speak, I see a miracle that does not need words.”

There is a world that we all know and are familiar with, the world of perfection and normality and there is our world. Our world is filled with imperfection and heartache, it is filled with children with disabilities and abnormalities, it is filled with doctors, therapists, hospitals and medication, it is filled with love, affection and understanding, and with anger, guilt and pain. We never asked to be thrown into this world, it just happened that way but looking back now, we would not change a thing.

Ally and Gabriel, July 2002

Gabriel was born in February 2002. He was born with a cleft lip and after that he was diagnosed with Lobar Holoprosencephaly, partial Agenesis of the Corpus Collosum, Craniostynosis, Microcephaly, Absence Seizures and Diabetes Insipidus (water diabetes not sugar). We were devastated. It felt like our whole world had fallen to pieces. We were told Gabriel may never walk and may never amount to anything. We decided then and there that we were going to fight for our son's to quality of life and give him every opportunity in his life to help him achieve his full potential. And so our journey began…not knowing what the future would hold for our son... a rollercoaster of emotions... fear, pain, grief, sadness, guilt, blame, anger, hate, pity and then finally we found ourselves with acceptance and happiness.

Gabriel started therapy when he was 9 months old and we incorporate his therapy into his daily routines and it has become a part of our natural lives. He attends occupational therapy, physiotherapy, speech therapy and horse riding. Gabriel achieved all his milestones at the correct age until he was 6 months old and after that he started to show severe developmental delays.

Gabriel now goes to a wonderful special needs school in the mornings where he is thriving and is learning independence. He is currently assessed at about 10-14 months cognitively but we have learned to appreciate things that he can do, and not to look at the things he cannot.

Gabriel & Ivor, August 2003

Gabriel crawled at 12 months and walked at 20 months on his own. He is a very active curious child and has a strong will and determination that helps him to succeed. He loves to jump, play and sing. He has mastered walking up and down stairs on his own, can switch his electronic toys on and off, turn pages in books, chooses which toys to play with plus lots more. He is non-verbal and cannot sign but manages to communicate most of his needs with his eyes or body movements. He started eating solids at 3 ½ years old and now loves to eat all foods. He has very little concept of danger and needs to cared for and watched at all times. Sleep is not a word in our household but after so many years, we seem to have gotten use to the lack of sleep. We have adjusted our lives around the needs of Gabriel and this is our life. We know no other life and we have known no better.

March 2004

It has not been an easy road and we know that we have a lot of challenges ahead of us. But part of the healing process is acceptance and an understanding that every child is unique in their own way. The fact that our child will never leave home, will never go to a university, read or write, or ever get married is part of accepting, it is part of loving your child unconditionally and is part of the realization that Gabriel is perfect in our eyes and in God's eyes. It is the understanding that miracles do happen. That everything a child does is a miracle, every movement, every breath. It is part of appreciating life for what it is, for what it gives you and is part of changing priorities and seeing beyond what society dictates as normal. It is opening your eyes to see one of God's angels lying in your arms, smiling at his parents with his big blue eyes and blonde curls. Gabriel is GREAT teacher without knowing, and makes people realize what they actually have and to be grateful for just that!

Gabriel has an aura around him, an energy that draws people to him, an energy that makes every person smile in his presence, and an energy that makes everything around him radiate with sunshine. Gabriel brings us an overwhelming joy and our biggest motivation to keep going is his constant smile and laughter.

In 2008, Gabriel became big brother to Jaden after a long battle and he is now a normal and healthy toddler who loves his brother. Although Jaden has overtaken Gabriel in cognitive development, the two play together and enjoy each other’s company. My children have been my inspiration, and through the long sleepless nights and the stressful times when Gabriel is sick, I am still so grateful for every day that we have with him.

Living with Gabriel has become OUR way of life, no books, no instructions, the medical text books all say that kids with HPE mostly die or are "vegetables", BUT with only an overseas support group with an unbelievable bunch of HPE moms to guide and advise us along our journey which has been our saving grace . At least our medical team listens to us, and asks US what to do in some cases with Gabriel and even takes the advice of the support group, as it is us moms that know better about daily life with HPE than the specialists.

We have learnt that Gabriel is not his diagnosis and we try not to focus on it too much. Gabriel is Gabriel, and that is pure innocent love.

Gabriel & Jaden, 2009

It doesn’t matter what Gabriel can’t do. What matters is that we have been given this special child and that he has a happy and content life. It is as simple as that...

My baby is 6 years old!!

And so now my tiny prem baby is 6 years old!  He's just started school and he is an absolute joy.  I have met an amazing amount of people over the years who have adopted, want to adopt, know someone who has adopted, was adopted.  It's a funny thing that people don't really talk about unless the other person also has some involvement or a personal story to share.  Once you are in the loop, people seem to be involved an adoption around every corner.  There is so much joy in it but also a lot of fear, misunderstanding, misconception and hesitation.  The law in South Africa is tight - very!  Everyone is well- protected in the process and the process (by comparison to other countries) is fast and efficient.  

 I know lots and lots of people who have spent years undergoing fertility treatment and years being pregnant but miscarrying.  Once they start the adoption process, it is often 4 - 9 months until they collect their new addition.  Our adoption agencies and social workers are so good at what they do.  They really care about placing the right babies with the right families.  I recently met a Norwegian couple who put their names down to adopt a Xhosa baby from South Africa.  The entire process took 2 years and I met them when they arrived in SA to collect their son (who had a twin sister so they went home with 2 babies!!!!).  I think that 2 years for an entire international adoption is a really short time.  I have heard of couples overseas wating for foreign babies who have waitied 5 - 7 years!  That is hectic.  If anyone out there has a story that they would like me to post on the blog, please email it to me at adoptmom@mweb.co.za and let me know if you would like it to  be anonnymous or named.  I would so much love to hear from you!

I wrote a book for kids about adoption

Sometime during all this, I started thinking about what to tell him when he’s older; how much information to give him & when to give him the information. I started writing down little bits and pieces. I remember the social worker giving me this piece of advice. "Every time you do something he loves, like a bath or a walk in the pram or a tickle on the bed, use the word – adoption. Eg…who’s a beautiful adopted baby?" She said that he would eventually come to associate that word with happy times. One day when he asks what it means and we tell him, he will already feel comfortable that it is a good thing.

It hasn’t really happened like that though because we have ended up knowing so many people with adopted kids. The word comes up all the time and all the kids in the group are quite comfortable with it. Still, I had been writing some ideas down and had a thought to make it into a book. It was to be something that Alex & his friends could read that would explain why and how adoption happens. I wanted all the kids in his circle (adopted and biological) to be able to read in a fun, easy way about adoption. I finished writing the text and then struggled for almost a year to find someone to do the illustrations. (The long struggle was due to financial constraints.) Eventually, the book was illustrated, printed and for sale!  It is called The Greatest Gift.  It is aimed at kids aged 2 - 6 years.   You can see more about the book on my website:  www.thegreatestgift.co.za

Name changes and paper work

When babies are born, their biological mother has to name them and have a birth certificate issued. After the 60 days were up, we waited for the court to process the adoption application. Although the court papers took around 6 months to process, Alex was officially considered to be ours. In April 2005, we received paperwork from the Department of Social welfare stating that "According to the provisions of the Child Care Act 1983, your adopted child is now regarded as if born to you. Therefore you personally have to register the child under his or her new name and surname at the Department of Home Affairs nearest top you."

We took the papers to the Department of Home Affairs and applied for a name change and a new birth certificate. It is a very standard procedure involving long queues, inefficient staff, incorrect information and general mayhem. Eventually, I managed to submit the right forms with the right money! Around 8 weeks later, we received a brand new birth certificate from Home Affairs with Alex’s new name! The process was finally over! I applied for a passport for Alex and booked flight tickets to the UK. In July 2006, I took him to meet his great granddad (my grandfather – who lived to be 2 weeks short of 101!!) my sister and brother-in-law and all the cousins and friends that we have over there. Alex stole the show and crept into everyone’s hearts.

Using Assisted Reproductive Technology (ART) to Achieve a Family: An Industry Insider’s Tips on Managing Your Treatment - Mindy Berkson

Fourteen years ago, I was confronted with my own infertility struggles: after having a successful first pregnancy, my husband and I were not able to get pregnant a second time and I was eventually diagnosed with unknown secondary infertility. Over several years’ time, I went through numerous insemination cycles and several in vitro fertilization cycles before becoming pregnant with twin boys. Treatment was difficult, both physically and emotionally and at times strained what was, until then, a very happy union.

Going through all this instilled in me a desire to help others through their own infertility cycles, and eventually lead me to start my own company, Lotus Blossom Consulting. What I present in this article are the lessons I learned not only from my own treatment, but also the sum of over fourteen years’ experience working in the industry and walking with others through their cycles.

I hope that this toolbox of ideas and pointers helps you as much as it does all my other clients.

ART is a full time job

For many who have not gone through infertility treatment, or who may have just started, they might wonder why there is so much fuss about injections and cycles, and treatment. We quickly realize that it is not just the stress of not being able to have your own child; assisted reproductive technology, in all its glory, is extremely hard to undergo financially, emotionally and physically.

Infertility cycles using ART require a strict and sometimes painful treatment regimen, involving heavy dosages of injectable medications, needles, policies about when to have sex, and frequent trips to the physician. Women may need several days off over the course of treatment for recovery. On top of it all, ART is not cheap, and if you are lucky, insurance might cover some of the cost. Finally, significant gaps of time pass with no results. There is a lot of “wait and see” in an ART cycle.

For many, such a strain on time, body and budget inevitably impacts their professional and personal relationships. Will you be able to get time off without having the entire office know? Do you tell your family? Will they be supportive? How long will it take to get pregnant? Can you afford more than one cycle? These issues along with a host of others create stress even in good situations. Managing all of these physical, emotional and financial arms is what makes an ART cycle another full time job. What this leads to is extreme stress, and it is clear that people make bad decisions under duress. My system encourages you to think about the whole picture and lay a foundation before treatment, so that decisions you make, at the time you make them, are the ones in hindsight you are glad you made.

7 effective strategies to maximize your opportunity

I have seven points that I go through with all of my clients when I first meet with them. This helps us clarify goals, examine differences of opinion and determine answers to “if, then” scenarios. This is the foundation of the family building plan. Talking through these points alleviates some of the stress that can crop up later, and allows you to move forward more quickly and confidently when treatment does not go as planned.

Enlist a team approach including multi disciplinary professionals to address specific needs

“Enlisting a team approach” means relying on the professionals available to you for their area of expertise. What I often see are people who look to their physician or nurses for emotional support and counseling as well as legal and financial advice. As wonderful and caring as these people are, oftentimes they are unable to fulfill this role. Not only is this not their function, but they simply do not have the time to be the emotional ballast for all of their patients. People become unhappy with their doctor when there is no fault to blame. The solution is to rely on them for their subject matter expertise and use your friends, family and a therapist for emotional support. Use your legal counsel for your contracts in a third party cycle, and your accountant or financial planner for help planning costs. 

Establish a foundation of financial resources

Speaking of financial planners, the second step I review with clients is making sure that at the outset, they have enough funds set aside not only to pay for one treatment cycle, but to cover all potential costs involved with two cycles. It is a very real possibility, especially depending upon your diagnosis, that the first cycle might not be successful. Balancing hope with caution is an essential element to staying positive and clear when treatment does not go as planned, and having the financial resources available to move immediately to the next step if necessary takes some strain out of the situation. 

Define the end family building goal

Understanding how big you want your family to be drives early decisions, particularly financial planning. Additionally, this impacts how you might use your insurance benefits and how you handle third party cycles. 

Set financial parameters and timeframes to help guide you through treatment options and establish indicators to know when to change the course of treatment

Establishing financial parameters and timeframes means discussing the common “if, then” scenarios encountered with ART as well as your own personal situation. It involves taking an honest look at your diagnosis and realistic outcomes in terms of your family’s financial plan. Although this is difficult, it is easier to do when you, your partner and physician are not already invested in one, two, or however many cycles down the road; it is easier now than when you are already tapped out financially and have used up all of your insurance benefits. Having the discussion as part of the foundation building component of your treatment allows for an optimal decision. You avoid having the decision tainted by any other undue stress.    

Analyze each chance of success in conjunction with the financial outlay.  Enlist an independent unbiased perspective to help you since judgment is often clouded by intense emotions.

As I mentioned just a moment ago, part of setting parameters and timeframes is taking an honest look at your diagnosis and the average success rate given your situation. Use an infertility consultant or other professional whose opinion you value to help guide you and your partner through this process.

Communicate often and openly with your partner to identify and address each others’ concerns.  Work together to be effective team leaders.

We hear this often enough to know that this is a fundamental truth to any good relationship. Easier said than done, right? If you find it hard to communicate with your partner, enlist a professional to help you with this. Infertility treatment is well known to cause stress and strain even in a good, solid partnership. Break the ice; bring up the issue- do what you need to keep the relationship healthy through the stress.

Make informed medical decisions and be confident in your decisions as you work to achieve results. 

In order to be confident with your decisions and secure in your plan, you need to make informed medical decisions. Knowing at the highest point of stress, or when the worst “what if” scenario becomes a reality, that you made your decisions in good stead with open and honest communication with your partner and your team gives a great sense of comfort and eases the pain. 

Making an informed decision involves educating yourself about your diagnosis and the available treatment options for your condition. It means realistically analyzing the chance of success for each treatment option in light of your financial situation. Do not be afraid to ask your physicians all the questions you have, and seek a second opinion if you feel you need to. Additionally, do your insurance homework to ensure that you maximize all your lifetime benefits. Call your provider more than once if need be and send a letter to them requesting your benefits in writing. 

Also, plan for multiple cycles and if you are using a third party, identify the best possible resources for donors or surrogates. Identifying a candidate that closely meets your criteria affords a confidence level for the cycle, and with resources available nationwide there is no need to settle for a candidate.

ART does not have to be overwhelming.  ART can be challenging, sometimes scary, often exciting and always very powerful. Do not be afraid to ask questions and seek help. The rewards you reap as a result of your effort and hard work building the foundation for your cycle will be well worth the time and effort devoted to the journey.