Back to my friend N. I told her about our earlier adoption enquiries and she said something to me that changed everything. She said "You need to choose: A life without children or a life with children who are a different colour to you". That's what is boiled down to. N's son is a different colour to her and by now we knew them well and knew that in fact kids are just kids and they grow up in whichever culture you raise them. They have no preconceived ideas as to where they should fit in. My husband & I discussed it at length. We had all the usual worries. What will people say? What will we tell our child about his or her culture, language, heritage etc? We felt so unqualified to raise a person about whose heritage we knew very little. We called some family members. We got mixed reactions. Mostly we got overwhelmingly supportive reactions. We were really encouraged. We were ready to do it. A life without children was not an option. We would cross the colour line. N gave me the number of the adoption agency she had used and I phoned the next day.
The social worker immediately asked me whether I was prepared to adopt across the colour line. I said yes and suddenly all the doors opened. She made an appointment for us to see her within a few days. I was really excited and really terrified. It suddenly seemed possible, even probable that we would be parents. We arrived at her office full of questions. She put us at ease straight away and told us about the agency and how they work. There were 5 phases to the process of being approved to get onto the adoption list.
1) The initial meeting with the social worker which is a very informal Q & A session.
2) Take home a very fat folder of forms and complete them in your own time.
3) Return that folder together with a portfolio to the adoption agency.
4) Meet with all the social workers so they know who you are.
5) Receive a home visit from a social worker.
After that, you go onto the waiting list and wait! Seemed simple enough!!
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